Managing the Dark Side of Grief

When we are grieving there is a bright side and dark side. Bright sides are those moments we can thinking clearly and able to enjoy life. But what do we do when we are on the dark side of grief? You know when you don't want to be bothered, having trouble putting on a positive face, can't stop crying for days on end, mean and/or distant and just feel miserable.

I had to learn to be mindful and honest with of my feelings. It was ugly! I had to stop putting on a show. This came after my mommy passed away. God told me clear as the sky is blue, "I needed to get you off of autopilot." My first response was but you didn't have to take her?! But in reality He had to shock me like electric shock me.

See being on "autopilot" I was numb when it came to things that were painful in anyway. I wanted nothing to do with pain and hurt. I would cut people off if they caused me any kind of hurt behind their actions or words. Didn't matter what they did. I didn't want to cry. I only wanted people to see me happy. It was a fake happy. But in my head, I had to be strong. I had to be the strong friend. I had to be this imagine I felt everyone saw when looking at me.

I had made up a whole character in my head that caused riffs with friends and family, unintentionally. To the point I stopped drinking (as if i had a drinking problem) and told a dear friend of mine that I couldn't be around him anymore because of his drinking habits. Y'all! Listen! He didn't even have a drinking problem. AND his drinking had nothing to do with me. He wasn't endangering anyone, he wasn't being a bad influence or anything of the sort. He was working hard and taking care of his family. Nobody saw a problem, but me. Because the imagine I had created of myself had gotten real high and mighty. Honestly, y'all she was a judgmental bitch. Yup I said it. A judgmental bitch. God was like "ha ha, I will humble you dear child." And oh how He did. a

When I came off of autopilot, I owed so many people apologies. I'm still apologizing to people. I had so many emotions and feelings. I had so much anger. When I say I felt everything, I felt EVERYTHING. Two things I now live by:

1. I wouldn't wise losing a parent on my worse enemy,

2. I have no room to judge anyone.

Because baaaabbeeeeeeyy if you knew the things I had done and been through you wouldn't sit by me. I am beyond grateful for the friends who stuck by my side during those dark days of my grief. Those friends who didn't judge me, but were strong enough to correct to me. Those friends who still call every Mother's day week just to see where my head is. And those friends who are not scared to curse me out and pray for me when they know something is not right with me mentally or emotionally.

Here are 7 things I had to learn to do in order to get from the dark side to light.

1. Allow myself to feel and express all of my emotions, no matter how ugly they were.

2. Practice self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating well, and taking long walks

3. Seek support from friends and family, and allowing them to be honest with me.

4. Have hard conversations. Still working on this. because as life, lifes,, conversations get harder each time you go up a level (kids, work responsibilities increase, relationships, and mental growth).

5. Engage in activities that brought me joy, baking, journaling, listening to music, church, hanging out with my friends or as the meme's say "Do hood rat things with my hood rat friends (please note my friend are not actually hood rats"

6. Find ways to honor my loved ones. Especially my mother. After she died I learned a lot about her through the things that triggered me and I had to forgive her for those things.

7. Get help from a professional. This was tough because though i had been to therapy before, this was a little different. I needed someone who had experience grief. and finding a grief therapist was difficult.I went through about 3 or 4 before finding the right one.

So when you are on the dark side of grief, it is important to find ways to manage.

1. Be honest with yourself, friends and family about where you are.

2. Don't be ashamed of the way you feel.

3. Show yourself some grace, this is a tough side to be on.

4. Get help before it gets bad.

5. Understand the longer you don't work on it the longer the darkness last.

If you have been on the dark side or on the dark side, leave a comment below with tips on you got through it. I would love to hear how you become a conquer.