Calling all Adult Orphans

#griefsupport #griefcoach #orphan #bigage #adulting #blackwomen #mentalhealth

So I had this whole blog written out talking about why I didn't send out Mother's Day messages and talking about my mother's passing, right. And you know what it? It wasn't it. It put me in a place I didn't like and that was not kosher with me.

Instead I want to validate and honor these feelings. I am a whole grown adult orphan out here. I have felt abandoned, betrayed, and jealous. I have had to deal with trust issues. I have also had to deal with attachment issues( not wanting to get attached to people). As of today May 18th, 2023, I have spent 11 years without my mother. I have had to raise my oldest son without her guidance. I got married without my mother walking me down the aisle like we had planned. I had to graduate college without her being there. I had a second child without her here with me. I feel a way. But because I know I am now the only one who has felt like this I invite you to take a moment and honor your feelings like I am doing, about living without your parent or loved one. Take a moment and feel that feeling you have been told is crazy or told because you're an adult you can't be an orphan. Feel that. Let it marinate for a moment.

Oh and let me be clear. I do understand that the word “orphan” applies to children who no longer have parents. However even at my big age, I am still and will always be Claudia’s child. So therefore I am an adult orphan. And you are still your mother’s or father’s child at the end of the day. You just happen to be over 18.

Now that we have let that sink in. Let it go. Yup. Let it go. We are putting on our big girl panties and we are going to forgive our parents or guardians for leaving us. A lot of our problems with grief are these feeling we are told we can't feel then once we feel them we are angry at the person who died. I was pissed at my momma for years. Like "how dare you go and die now I have to live without you?" Who does that?! Humans. We are humans. and though death is apart of life so are the emotions we feel when we lose someone we love. If you have not forgiven your loved one or acknowledged how you feel about them leaving you an orphan, it's time talk to about it. I know it's hard. It's uncomfortable but I'm crazy enough and experienced enough to know that it is apart of the journey and this helps heals the wounds that were left behind.

I see you, a whole grown adult orphan who loves their momma, daddy, grandmother, auntie, uncle cousin whoever raise you and I'm with out.

I want to hear from you. Tell me how you feel about being an orphan and the issues you have had to work through. Let's work together.