Time's Up

Over this past weekend I got to have a great discussion with a stranger about grief and how the church rushed her to get through her grief. *Insert shock and outrage here* because excuse me say what?! “You’re not over that yet?!” Chilee I was upset at this!

Whispers come here, I have a secret to tell you…. Come here… ok a little closer, THERE IS NOT A TIMEFRAME TO GET OVER YOUR GRIEF!!

There the secret is out.

We often hear people say things like “Aren’t you over that YET” “You’re STILL crying about that death” and “You should be over that it’s been XY&Z time”

Girlllll kick boulders bare foot, because who said I was on your clock?! Who said grief was a limited time experience?! People who don’t know any better and probably haven’t truly grieved.

We expect people to be over something because we’re over it. And that’s not fair. We never allow people to just Be in their feelings. We fail at showing them grace, causing them to not show themselves grace. Thus rushing the process, holding in feelings and allowing those feelings to get bottled up, shook up and then exploding all over the place like a can of soda that was shaken.

In our conversation she said the pastor told her she should be over it because of what the Bible says about grief. And that we should be comforted by the word of God.

As I was thinking about what the Bible says about grief and mourning, I thought about a few scriptures that are beaten into our heads when we lose a loved one or something tragic happens.

• Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

• Romans 8:18 “Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.”

• Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

• Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion forever.”

The one that has been replaying in my head is Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

But I hear it as “God will comfort those that mourn”

I am not saying that Bible is not telling the truth about grief. But if we look at Jesus and his road to the cross, big homie went through grief. He was angry (flipping tables), he was depressed in the wilderness, he was about to jump off a cliff and he bargained with God to not do it(If you should take this cup from me) and he went through acceptance by preparing his disciples for his crucification.

But no where in the Bible does it give a time limit. Or say how long you should mourn, or when to expect to heal. However it does say In Ecclesiastes 3:3-4 NKJV it’s say “ A time to kill, And a time to heal; A time to break down, And a time to build up; A time to weep, And a time to laugh; A time to mourn, And a time to dance;”

It’s time for it all, which is not the same as limiting the time do so. Farmers plant seeds every year and during that time they put in work to yield a harvest, right? Women get pregnant every day and the majority of babies make their debut to the world in about 40 weeks, but the mother has to go through some changes and it’s a process right? And in both times the harvest and the baby are ongoing processes with stages and phases. Grief is the same. There is no predetermined time limit for your grief. There was no predetermined time limit for the love you had for your person or thing right?

You go through the process, and experience the stages. It is important to not rush those stages or allow anyone else to rush you.

When we rush through something like grief, we miss opportunities to grow and heal parts of our hearts that can heal. Just like planting seed, if we rush though then our crops are premature and we miss out on good fruits and veggies. And just like a pregnancy if we rush, the baby is under developed and is born prematurely.

We have to allow ourselves to be and allow others to be as well. We have to understand that’s it’s ok not to be okay and to feel our feelings. If you never experienced sadness how will you know what happiness feels like? If you never experience anger how will you know what peace feels like? Grief is proof that you loved someone or thing when you lose it.

Don’t allow anyone to rush your process.

Show yourself and others who are grieving grace.

I want to hear from you, comment below or on our instagram post with the answers these questions:

1. What are some things you have been told about you're grieving? How did you respond?

2. What are ways you can show yourself grace during your process? How can you show other's grace?

3. What is something you wish you knew before your loss?